How to kill a hangover

If morning (or perhaps afternoon) rolls around and your head is pounding, your mouth tastes like a garbage dump and your stomach is rolling as if you were on a boat in the middle of a storm, Congratulations, you have a hangover! At this point you have a couple of options:

1. Stay still. Don't move an inch! The hangover may subside on its own. (This is super unlikely.)
2. Get up and out of bed and actively fight this hangover. Helmets and gloves style, you will take this hangover DOWN! (Also unlikely, depending on hangover severity.)

If you choose option one, good on ya - I wish you the best of luck. Please note that you may turn to option 2 at any time, when you realize that you still feel terrible.

First of all, if you are out partying and have the sense of mind to do some forward thinking, go order a glass of water and then three more. If you skipped dinner and had beers instead, be kind to yourself and grab a slice or two of pizza or make a pot of Kraft dinner. You will thank yourself in the morning.

Now, let's talk business! The following steps are an almost maybe sure-fire way to kill that nasty hangover.

1. Advil. Take 3 before opening up your eyes. Ideally, you should sleep with a bottle under your pillow to facilitate this step.
2. Get your hands on some coffee. If you come across a bottle of Bailey's, you should definitely incorporate it. Total twofer - caffeine and hair of the dog.
3. A hot shower will probably make you feel slightly more human. If you can't stand long enough to make that happen, at least wash your face and brush your teeth - you probably did neither before going to bed and you probably are disgusting.
4. Time to eat. McDonald's breakfast - GO! If it's past the sacred McDs breakfast hour, fear not, you have options - try Dennys. If you are a slug and have slept most of the day away, feel free to have lunch instead. Either way, get something carby and greasy and bacony in your stomach and try not to regurgitate it.
5. Depending on your level of hungoverness, you now should either go do something active or hit the couch super hard. Fresh air and keeping busy will make the hangover feel less awful. If, however, it hurts to move, you should camp out on the couch. It is imperative you set yourself up correctly here - you MUST be wearing sweatpants, have a blanket handy, have snacks and drinks at your immediate disposal and have the blinds shut tight. You are looking for a cave feel here. I would recommend putting your phone on silent. If you lost your phone last night, ever the better.
6. Drink a diet root beer.

If you are still feeling terrible, it probably means you had a really good time last night, and you will just have to wait this one out. It should be noted that during steps 1 through 6 you should drink at least your body weight in water. Also remember, misery loves company. Surrounding yourself with other hungover individuals is a good idea! There's nothing worse than suffering a hangover with someone who feels amazing... Actually, there's' a lot of things worse. If you DO have a friend at your disposal who IS feeling great, use them! Steps one through 6 can easily be facilitated by a buddy. If you can get them to bring you the Tylenol and breakfast and root beer all the better!

I sure hope these steps help. If you have any alternate suggestions, please let me know. I will test them out next weekend.

That is all.Good luck and god speed!